Out with the old…
I bought a new dishwasher today while I was on my lunch break.
Old dishwasher: we will (never, ever, ever) miss you
New dishwasher: the bar has been set pretty low. Best of luck to you.
Old dishwasher: don’t let the door (or me wielding a baseball bat) hit you on the way out…
New dishwasher: again, you don’t have to do much to impress us at this point. Simply, oh, I don’t know, allowing us to slide out the bottom tray once the dishes are done without having to reach in, shift parts around and lightly burn our forearms in the process would be a success.
Old dishwasher: you do know your purpose in life was to wash dishes, right? What part of that didn’t make sense to you?
New dishwasher: Jets! Adjustable racks! Consumer reports endorsement! Sale! What’s not to love?
Old dishwasher: you are dead to me. Well, let’s be honest, you’ve been dead to us all (yourself included) for awhile now. There was no putting lipstick on that pig, my friend.
New dishwasher: where have you been all my life?! (Also, please don’t be mad at me for not getting the extended warranty…it’s just that I have so much faith in you…please, don’t punish me or prove me wrong.)
And finally,
Kevin at Sears Grand: thank you for your kind and thorough service. And thank you for letting me know that you are “living in sin with your girlfriend.” That, I must say, was a first for any sales experience I’ve had. I appreciate your candor. Best of luck to you both!
All in all, a pretty successful lunch break if I do say so myself.
